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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in grumblez's LiveJournal:

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    Wednesday, November 30th, 2011
    7:12 pm
    There is no such thing as I did the best I can.
    You can always do better.
    Tuesday, November 8th, 2011
    10:15 pm
    This website is dead (not new news).. Kind of depressing but that's what happens to things in general, they die.
    I started seeing this most recent girl about 3 weeks ago. This would be something hard for me, because I'm a pussy, to deal with under normal circumstances. However over the last month my stress levels haves already been on par with BMT. It is very likely that I will fail physiology, and then have to pay with my own money to retake it this summer. That combined with financial issues, and the stress that dealing with my fraternity responsibilities has put on me Is gonna make the rest of this semester among the most challenging times in my life.

    I have a test and a workbook due tomorrow, and a Physiology test on Tuesday. If I don't get 80's on my next two physiology tests I'm fucked.
    Man am I fucked
    7:23 pm
    I don't know why I ever open up, ever.
    Sunday, November 6th, 2011
    9:15 pm
    I don't know why I let anything or anyone convince from time to time I'll ever be anything but alone.
    Monday, May 23rd, 2011
    9:28 pm
    I was thinking about it today and I realized part of the reason I subconsciously joined a fraternity to feel like I was a part of something cool again. At WVU everyone there is so stoked to go there and be a mountaineer and going there is like being a part of something epic. You just don't get that at Marshall,
    "Thunderstruck" never comes on in the middle of the club and everyone goes wild
    Saturday, May 14th, 2011
    3:34 pm
    I can't believe how long it's been since I posted in this thing. My Sophomore year of college is over, and I'm not really any closer to graduating. If my life would have gone verbatim I would be a senior this year. Hard to imagine that I'll ever be done with college.
    My Squadron in the Air Guard Is deploying in April 2013. They can't tell us where we are going yet but I'm fairly certain its somewhere in the middle east.
    I had a crazy dream last night that Emilie and her boyfriend broke up, and for some reason I flew out there.
    I would write more but It's time to go to work.
    The Chronicles of Kevin Meador; the Airmen, College student, Frat Boy, Bartender
    Tuesday, February 15th, 2011
    11:52 pm
    I hope one day I wake up okay.
    Thursday, December 30th, 2010
    10:32 pm
    One of the most eventful years of my life to say the least
    2010.
    It held more change for me than any Year could ever hope to again In my life I would say, In many ways it blurs with 2009.
    It started off with Emilie leaving me while I was at Fort LeonardWood and a depression to follow that would almost take my life.
    I made a group of friends at tech school that excluding Meeks I haven't yet seen again.
    If I would have been 21 and not in Depression It would have been a much more enjoyable 3 and a half months. The highlight of it had to be our trip to Springfield Missouri. That little town had to have the coolest bars I've ever been to. This was also my first winter not working as a Ski Instructor, instead I was learning about chemical warfare. (sounds so much cooler than it was)
    Upon graduating Tech School It was back to live in Beckley for what might have been the last extended period of my life.
    A very boring 7 months where I worked as a Barista.
    The only two Notable things that happened over the summer was my 21st birthday which was a party I doubt will ever be topped in my mind, and the SoCo concert.
    Then I moved into my place of my own.
    My apartment which I love very much.
    My first two months in Huntington was constant wild nights out with Meeks. 21 was good.
    The later part of the semester Jess came along, first girl I've had real feelings for since January. That was way to good to last though...
    And now Christmas Break is almost over.
    It's good to be back working at the Mountain I love and hate all at the same time.

    Once Again I find my life at a CrossRoads, I have 3 choices, Keep at Marshall, LPN then back to marshall, or Huntington Police Department.
    Who knows what the best choice for me really is.
    Saturday, December 25th, 2010
    3:45 am
    Merry Christmas to anyone reading this
    ... I might be drunk
    Thursday, December 16th, 2010
    10:14 pm
    My names Kevin and I let myself get walked all over by girls..

    other than that a awesome break, It feels so fucking great to be back on skis doing what I love more than anything else in life
    Thursday, December 9th, 2010
    5:43 am
    im starting to care about someone else again, i dont like it.
    Sunday, October 24th, 2010
    4:06 am
    Hello there, Angel from my nightmare.
    Whats the point anymore?
    Monday, October 18th, 2010
    11:03 pm
    My life is falling apart.
    Sunday, October 10th, 2010
    12:55 pm
    WILD AND WONDERFUL
    wild weekend.....
    I got up here (morgantown) Friday and went to a marker party. Everyone ever from Beckley was there. A short recap of events would be A girl punching me in the throat then trying to make out with me. Minkeun abandoning me and then the cops showing up and me helping 3 people jump out the back window. Then I wondered around morgantown drunk with jacob. Carried a case after that up the epic hill to ryans and hung out there and split a bottle of madddog with Jacob and played some games.
    Took a Cab to jacobs then slept on his floor.

    Next day went back to Minkeuns house and hung out hungover as fuck tell the game started. Went to the game using Minks student credentials. I get on the PRT to go to the stadium and and someone pulls out a bunch of beers and throws me one. I get into the game just fine using a ID of Asian with a fro...
    At 8 I head over to another party with a bunch of Beckley people. At midnight just as the party was starting to pick up the cops came and busted it up. Tryed to go to drunk breakfast but there wasn't any because it was game day. Went over to ryans and ate papajohns then went back to minks to sleep.
    Time to go home now but it's been a hell of a weekend.
    <3
    Tuesday, October 5th, 2010
    5:14 pm
    Broke and streched thin
    Fuck you midterms week.
    I've spent about 10 hours studying/hw this week and its Tuesday.
    I'm broke again, back to being a poor college student.
    My grades are a toss-up at this point hard to say. Looking like maybe a 2.8 atm if I had to guess. Maybe better Idk
    Thursday, September 23rd, 2010
    3:27 am
    BMT
    Kevin Meador
    English 101 – 125
    September 15th 2010
    Basic Military Training
    I would like to tell you a little about my experience at basic military training. In December 2009 after it was apparent to me I wasn’t going to make it into WVU’s nursing school I decided to Join the Air National Guard to pay for my own college and have some extra money while in school. Nine Months later they finally sent me to Lackland Air Force Base, Texas for BMT.
    Your first taste of basic is at the airport where they in process you and put you own a bus. The bus ride is eerily quiet; I arrived at night so you couldn’t see much on the way there. I’ve been to Texas before though; it’s very flat, hot, and dry. When you get to Lackland you get off the bus to do more in processing, you’re issued a few things such as a rain coat and a satchel and other odds and ends. By the time we got to our dorm it was already midnight. Here we stood under the patio of our “dormitory” (don’t let the name fool you) in our first formation, while five training instructors circled around us screaming various information at us. We where then taken upstairs and told to run and point at a bunk, then that was your bed. We were rushed through shaving while being yelled at (the idea is for you to cut yourself), then showers and after that put in bed.
    That night there was lots of nervous chatter, no matter how ready you thought you were the same thought on everyone’s mind was, “What the fuck have I gotten myself into?”. The entirety of our first week was spent marching all over the base getting things done like haircuts and uniform issue. My most distinct memory from the first week is a six foot tall black man getting screamed at and then preceding to pee his pants.
    The first words out of your mouth at all times when talking to anyone other than a fellow trainee was “Sir Trainee Meador reports as ordered, “(insert message here)”. We had two MTI’s (military training instructors) Technical Sgt. Otero and Staff Sgt. Veil. TSgt. Otero was the good cop, SSgt Veil was the bad cop. You avoided talking to your MTI’s at all cost but sometimes you had to ask a question, and when you did you always went to TSgt Otero.
    On Friday at the end of the first week of training you got your immunizations, including penicillin shot in the butt that hurt a lot, and made it very sore. Conveniently enough the next day was the first day they were allowed to start punishing us with Physical Training. Before lunch that day SSgt. Veil took us down under the patio and had us doing what the Air Force call’s 20-20-20’s twenty seconds of push-ups, flutter kicks, and squat thrusts respectively.
    Technically, he was only supposed to make us be able to do one set at a time this early in training. What he would do is as soon as we would switch from say flutter kicks to squat thrusts he would say, “Trainee Smith was to slow back on your faces, we can play this game all day”. We switched between exercises for over thirty minutes. This was part of the mind game to make you all hate each other when you needed to be working together.
    The MTI’s had some trainees they just loved to hate and decided to turn the whole group against. If you’ve seen Full Metal Jacket then you might remember Private Pyle. There is a Pvt. Pyle in every flight. In my flight his name was Trainee Crouch, normally pronounced Trainee Crotch. The MTI’s hated this kid so bad that he wasn’t allowed to talk except to them. Every time this kid did the slightest thing wrong the MTI’s would make him count while we did push-ups to make us hate him to.
    Fast forward two weeks into training and my Training Instructor comes in first thing in the morning to find the trash can without a liner in it. He wakes us up by throwing the trashcan down the center of the bay screaming “So this is how you want to start the day? get on your fucking faces you little shits”. Fifty pushups later we had about only five minutes to Pee, and get dressed and lined up for Physical Training.
    Every day at basic you wake up at 04:45 you have ten minutes for fifty men to use 8 toilets, change, and get lined up to go to pt. PT rotated between Cardio (thirty minutes of running) and mixed calisthenics every other day. After PT you normally went to breakfast, the breakfast at Lackland was amazing. The downside was the four weeks you where lucky if you had three minutes per meal to eat. The whole time you’re eating you also have someone in your face screaming at you, and the worst part is if you look up from your food your done eating and have to dump your tray.
    Mornings where the worst part of the day because you had a very small window of time to get a lot done before you started training for that day. After breakfast you got the joy of morning details. My detail was bathroom crew; specifically in the bathroom I cleaned the drying room. The room fifty naked men stand around in after they shower. I had to clean it spotless, every hair (and we didn’t have any on our heads) out of the cracks.
    Details were meticulous; hallway crew had to keep the hallway spotless. The utility closet crew had to keep the cleaning equipment spotless. If somebody used the restroom and peed on the floor or left the seat down the whole restroom crew would be in trouble, It was the same for anybody else’s detail, no matter who messed it up. It taught you to work together, even though I didn’t have to worry about the hallway I wouldn’t leave trash in it because I wouldn’t want someone peeing on the wall.

    During the day we did various things from learning how to manage your personal finances to learning the parts of an M-16. We spent time in the classroom and if appropriate it was accompanied by hands on training. We spent one week learning base defense in the classroom in the morning then in the afternoon we would go apply it in the field.
    The evenings where not as hectic as the mornings normally, your MTI would leave after dinner then the Dorm Chief (a trainee) would be in charge. You would take showers, do details, and get your personal area squared away. Lights out was at 2200 but nobody ever fell asleep then. You normally still had some socks to roll or something and if you wanted to write a letter home or to your girlfriend this was typically your only time to get this accomplished.
    That was one of the hardest parts of BMT, I didn’t get to call anybody for three weeks, didn’t get to send out my first letter tell two weeks in. The isolationism of it, not seeing and barely talking to anybody you knew for two months. It makes you realize how much you depend upon your family and close friend. Stressful hard times in your life is when you need them most but I guess in Afghanistan I can’t go over to Mom and Dad’s for dinner after a rough day.
    Sunday was your one day of the week you got to relax just a little. The military is legally obliged to give you two hours of religious worship time a week. It was a hour in that pew where nobody was screaming at you, you weren’t folding your shirt in some retarded manor, or scrubbing the floor. Most Sundays your MTI wouldn’t show up at all, you would just spend the day doing laundry, getting all the little things in the dorm perfect you didn’t have time for the rest of the week. You also normally had time during the day to read, write, and mail letters. You always had to be on your guard though; MTI’s are tricky and sometimes would pop in the fire escape to check on us.
    During the fifth week of training we went out into the field for what was called B.E.A.S.T (Battlefield Expeditionary Airmen Skills Training). This was a mock deployment to a ficticous country that was strangely familiar in description to Afghanistan. During this week we lived in tents inside a fenced compound. Everywhere you went you had to wear a thirty pound flack-jacket, a Kevlar helmet, and a 20 pound bag containing your chemical warfare outfit. At any given time a alarm could blast and unless you where on guard duty you had to run to the bunker and put on your chemical warfare outfit.
    Anytime during the middle of the night you had to use the bathroom you had to put on your flak jacket and helmet, then find a battle buddy then walk the half mile to the bathroom. I saw two men pee themselves trying to get ready in time in my tent alone. During this week we also went on a IED tactical march where we marched along a path looking for potential IEDS.
    After we got back from B.E.A.S.T the rest of training went by quickly. On Thursday of your last week of at Lackland Air Force base, you go through coin ceremony. You get promoted from Trainee to Airman and receive a coin marking the occasion. This is one of the proudest days in any person’s life who goes through air force basic training.
    Your last weekend there before you leave to go to Technical School (military version of college) your parent’s get to take you out during the day to do whatever you want around San Antonio. You wouldn’t believe how good that first Dr. Pepper is and how delicious your first double cheeseburger is. At the end of it all you made it through eight and a half weeks of hell without any of the comforts you would normally enjoy in the civilian world (TV, alcohol, caffeine, women, etc.) You can look back and think I made it through that so I just need to suck it up and deal with my five hours of homework or whatever it is making you think your life sucks that particular day.
    My freshman year at WVU I skipped my first morning class a lot because I thought I could make A while missing it a lot. Now I never skip class unless I’m sick because it’s my job, it’s my duty. I woke up before 0500 for eight weeks; I can get up for a 0900 class. Throughout the course of the day if there’s something you wanted to get done but didn’t its not that you didn’t have time for it is that you didn’t make time for it. The thing’s I’ve learned from being in the Air Guard hopefully can get me through college this time around.
    Wednesday, September 8th, 2010
    1:14 am
    Drunk + elton john = classic
    Wednesday, August 25th, 2010
    3:56 pm
    I'm settling into my life in Huntington, I'm sick and right now poor, but other than that so far I like it. It's fun living on my own, trying to find ways to save money, such as turning a box into a trashcan for my bathroom, eating ramen at least once a day.

    I just applied for a job at St. Mary's, I don't really want a job this semester but right now it fucking sucks being poor, and I'm not gonna pass up a job as solid as that.

    I'm terrified of not getting into nursing school by next spring, terrified. If I don't get in my futures more fucked than ever. Really hope my bonus comes soon, I need books and my APT needs some stuff.
    Monday, August 23rd, 2010
    2:54 am
    I fucking hate united, I have to spend a night in the airport because of them and they don't give me jack shit. Jack fucking shit. I'm missing my first class at Marshall because right now instead of asleep in my bed im at the airport. How is my lucky possibly this bad all the time? What the fuck. WHAT THE FUCK. I've been slowly getting sick all day, so now my level of misery has peaked. Extremly tired, very sick, very fucking pissed off.
    Sunday, August 22nd, 2010
    5:39 pm
    I'm at DIA, my flight got delayed by a hour so I got some time to kill. Yesterday me and Luke went Hiking at Pikes Peak, we went up 2000 vert ft, 4.5 miles. Then back down, it was so fucking intense, there's pictures up on my facebook. Today we checked out denver for a little bit before my flight, It's a pretty fucking sweet city. It was nice seeing Luke but it's wierd that hes married now.

    Ahh sitting around in a airport killing time, just like old times.
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